February 12, 2016
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
IDSA Lyme Guidelines Vanish
Chico, Calif. – The online Lyme disease community was in disarray today, following the news that LymeDisease.org, a leading patient advocacy group, could not locate the Lyme disease diagnostic and treatment guidelines of the Infectious Diseases Society of America (IDSA).
“When we didn’t see the guidelines on the National Guidelines Clearinghouse Website, we sort of panicked a little,” said Lorraine Johnson, J.D., MBA, lead ” Lyme Policy Wonk” of LymeDisease.org. “We looked everywhere. We tried Google, and I even looked through my IDSA file folder for a hard copy, but there were only reminders to call John Halperin back about our survey.”
The office, located in Chico, Calif., reportedly was thrown into such turmoil that its staff had to go out for margaritas at Tres Hombres Long Bar & Grill to collect themselves.
Other staff commented that it was “really hard to use Google and find IDSA’s Website,” and that they “look to Lorraine to find missing things since she is the one earning upwards of $100,000 per year.”
Indeed, shock waves were felt throughout the Lyme community. Many social media-savvy Lyme patients praised Johnson’s ineptitude and rejoiced as if the Berlin Wall were coming down all over again.
“This is a really big deal,” proclaimed one Facebook user. “The fact that Lorraine Johnson, who makes so much money to keep track of things like this, can’t find the guidelines, means that there’s a chance nobody else can find them, either. The whole world can now safely follow ILADS without fear of IDSA’s guidelines raining on our parade. We might even be able to pass a law saying that everyone has to buy Dr. Horowitz’s book before they can get their PICC line inserted.”
Others were not so certain that being stupid was a good thing. One insightful “Lymie” pointed out that IDSA’s guidelines are under review anyway, and an update is expected soon. “They could post the new guidelines tomorrow, though they probably won’t since it’s a Saturday. The point is, CDC and insurance companies probably have hard copies lying around their offices, and busting out of millions of patient files. I’m sure they also know where to find them on IDSA’s Website.”
Others seemed genuinely outraged by the leading non-profit’s blatant disregard for “overwhelming” amounts of scientific evidence that chronic Lyme disease is technically a condition of “post-sepsis syndrome.”
One outspoken activist stated, “Considering that Lorraine and her gang can’t even find the guidelines, we don’t expect them to understand science. However, anyone can look at a map and see that UC Davis is not very far away from Chico. They could easily take some donated funds and go on a little road trip to see Dr. Nicole Baumgarth, who’s the bomb when it comes to proving that Lyme causes immune suppression and even causes the immune system to stop reacting to common viruses.”
Despite the critical feedback, LymeDisease.org’s Johnson remained firm in her conviction that the guidelines had vanished, and that this is a positive development in the decades-long battle over funding for fake research.
“Look, I get paid a lot of money to say things that get Lyme patients excited. I honestly could not find the guidelines, and I’m the expert, so that must mean they are gone forever. This is a good thing–no, a great thing. It proves that we are doing our job, advocating for patients, and raising their hopes so that when their hopes are dashed again, we will be there to poll them on how it affected their symptoms.”
For more information, contact LymeDisease.org, 530-574-0123, firstname.lastname@example.org
February 13, 2016
Chico, Calif. – The University of California at San Francisco (UCSF) yesterday released a research report which confirms yet again that Lyme disease is an immunosuppressive, and not inflammatory disease.
When our staff reporter tried to reach Lorraine Johnson for comment, he was told that she was running a tab at Tres Hombres and we should all come out and celebrate the missing guidelines.
BLAB will continue to bring you updates as this situation unfolds.